Campus Crusade for Christ, Bloody Noses and Dave Chappelle

Campus Crusade for Christ, Bloody Noses and Dave Chappelle (aka 72 hours in my life and dreams)

It began with Dave Chappelle. I spent my Friday night approximately 50 feet away (or less.. I don’t know feet’age) from him. Watching him spin soundbyetes into brilliance, heckling into humor and pain into pleasure. His improvisation skills unbelievable –I don’t think people comprehend how skilled he is.. (in my little life I have seen/heard Seinfeld, Dennis Miller, Billy Crystal, Bill Maher, and he is miles beyond them in quickness. Agility –and punch). He is raw—everything is out there.. and just like when I read a book and I end up Speaking that narrator’s tone for weeks.. I was infected by Chappelle-desiring in your face speak, sloppy sentiment and spitting truths. Problem –there weren’t many takers.. everyone was on the fly-on the rush and thus, I had to swallow such rawness where it found its way into my sleep.. my dreams.

I’ve never been a sleeper; it’s such a waste of time. Too much to see, to love, to listen, to read. On Saturday and Sundays I’m too excited to sleep.. a morning newspaper, coffee and most often no place to be and no outfits to pick out. Nirvana. I must’ve been tired.. really just over stimulated and undertalked. When I jones it’s not for the drink .. it’s for dialogue.. discourse.. (sometimes, dancing)-I don’t think there is anything that gets me more jazzed than truth talking.

So..prior to last night's sleep, and following the three hour rant of Chappelle – I found myself at a wedding. Having forgotten to RSVP to the wedding I was only able (I felt) go to the actual ceremony. The wedding – I knew was going to be a celebration, an homage to some sanctified Christian life. The individuals –students of mine – were/are born-again Christians—pious lives with no swearing, no sweating and no sex. Or no sweating due to sex. Since my arrival to this Y-world it has been my greatest challenge to accept and not judge those whose beliefs run counter to my own. Particularly, when I find such beliefs to be obstacles to progress, to justice, to joy, to creativity, to unity -- It’s the easy-way-out life. A life without questions is a very dull and dangerous life

Anyway so I’m here in Protestant hell –( I should note I really like these students..) looking around at the stagnant suits and the drab dresses and the recorded wedding music and the father who shakes his son (the groom) hand rather than hugs him and the wood-paneled walls, and the regurgitated vows, and I’m crying. Not because I didn’t RSVP , not because I cannot imagine marrying someone without knowing them physically/sexually, emotionally, not because I was there alone, not because I was most likely the only Jewish amid a congregation of wasps, not because when everyone prayed and put their head down mine stayed up, not because I was going out to dinner with my boyfriend..? lover? Mate? Spark’s colleagues and I was nervous for some reason, not because my colon was returning to its old-stuck self, not because my cat has hyperthyroid disease, not because my mom is getting older and I don’t see her enough, not because I felt a little flabby, but because for some reason I was moved.

My student about repeating the vows, to love, respect .. till death. .was so____sincere. So honest –caught me off guard. She listened to herself.. took time.. she wasn’t just saying words-she was speaking them.

I was talking to Spark about the pause. When one pauses it says , ‘I’m listening to myself’ . How can one be heard if one cannot listen to themselves?. She was listening to herself and its that simple act—that made many of my judgments drift away. To sleep.. eventually. And to the following the dreams

Here are the moments I remember:
#1- I had eaten something .. something with cream or milk (unusual . because I don’t like such things) and I began throwing up—continuously and in public.
This is very unusual as I am not a thrower-upper. Since 1987 – I have thrown-up the following times:
1. 1987 drank too many long-island Ice-Teas, with beer and a screwdriver
was sick all night. .lost about 4lbs. Have not drank long-island ice teas or screwdrivers since

2. 1994 – caught some sort of 24 hour stomach virus –was in graduate assistant training – threw up all night ..was wearing black shirt – didn’t miss any work.

3. 2003/Summer – Food Poisoning.. I’m convinced. I think it was from a can of soup—botulism maybe.. should’ve gone to hospital. Started throwing up at 2am and did not stop until almost 7 –8 hours later. Lost almost 10 lbs. Had to post-pone my weekend class—when all was cleaned up and done – I had lost weight and was perversely happy.

So, in the dream .. I’ m throwing up and it’s public . I don’t feel sick but I don’t feel well—

Later in the same dream..#2 moment -my nose starts to bleed and bleed. My friend/colleague comments on it –( nose bleeding is less unusual for me due to my allergies and sinusitis issues) and I awake.

Conclusions:
A purging .. a sign of things to come, toxins abound? What is in the inside is coming out .. trying to? I don’t know and wish I was a born-again so I would have the answer like: it’s the devil.. the red sea, a sign of the apocalypse-but no .. I’m not a Christian.. I’m a questioner and thus will have to be at peace with just not knowing and just being. Like Chappelle --truly present--. in the moment.