You Give Me Fever...

You give me fever -Peggy Lee

I’m always cold. My average daily temperature is 97.6. (an iron deficiency. perhaps. But, I’d rather blame my mother who many of you know smoked while pregnant with me. Every sneeze is a reminder that my life began full of tar and 90 cancer-causing chemicals.) If my temperature registers 99 degrees, I’m either not feeling too well.. or feeling real well.

Lately, I’ve been feeling hot, over-heated. For days, my temperature has registered an even 99 with no sniffle in sight. True, the temperature has been hovering around 90 degrees for weeks, but the cause of this heat has less to do with the weather and more to with nature or nurture or both.

Some place /some time between the suing, the Celiac, the colonoscopy, (a cleansing of more than just the colon, really) I found and find myself in heat.

I think with women the heat can stay latent for awhile, redirected or displaced into other actions.. dancing…neighborhood watch.. downward-facing dog (a yoga move), the merry go round..

But once it (the heat) is awakened, the heat takes over and all my living life’s moments are moments of what ifs, and what just was, and a waiting for what will be.

Such awakenings are few and far between and they are as much biology as psychology or less scientifically, body meets mind, meets body, meets soul mixed with a little surrender, and topped off with a little truth. Note: Truth is almost always the sexiest.. the most alluring.. the most desired of ingredients.. hard to get .. worth the wait.

My last heat wave may have been in the 70’s . when Andy Gibb, Shawn Cassidy, Epstein from Welcome Back Kotter reigned supreme. Okay, maybe not the 70’s . but not so far off, maybe ’82 when Shadow Dancing was released. Basically, it’s like a comet, its appearance in our solar system may be infrequent, but when it arrives.. it arrives. Hopefully, unlike a comet—it stays.

Attraction is complex and imperfect and messy. It’s not like the movies, most real life shots would be edited out. What happens when desire and drive collide? Or when the mind’s mastery of the body makes for moments of awkwardness and truth? How not to make too much out of such moments and instead celebrate all of them .. the sum of all the parts.. of all the moments:
the knots, the sugarest coffee, simplest needs (ice, food, sex) for a complex person, an addiction to realizations,
a soulflower, a Cheshire cat, a position, an imposition, rigidity, patience, spooning and heat. The heat.